The Hero's Journey: DEATH, Part III
Amor Fati
In less than a year my wife and I both lost our fathers. Both were unexpected. Both were too early. Both were sad. In both situations we were there with them as they left this earth. We are grateful that we did our best to maintain a relationship with them both in to adulthood. It is easy to drift apart and rarely see your family as you start to build your own life, especially if you move far away. But if people matter to you, you will work on keeping the relationship alive.
We visited them both several times a year and not just for holidays. We made the effort to always be there for the important things and sometimes just because we missed them. As a result, on what was just another regular planned visit, turned out to be the last time we saw them alive. Many lessons there but the most important one is that you never know when the last time you’ll see that person again. Life is too short to be pissed off all the time. Forgive, move on and focus on the positives in life. Don’t dwell on the past and stupid shit that doesn’t matter anymore. What good does it do?
Stop blaming your parents for your plight in life. You’re an adult now! They did their best. I encourage you to think back to when you were young and see your childhood through your adult eyes. You’ll see how great you had it and how much of a pain in the ass you actually were. The least we can do is thank them… for raising us, feeding us, keeping us safe, buying us gifts, teaching us. Remember, they did their best. Now we can do our best to let them know they did a good job. Then honor them by living your best life possible. One that would make them proud in this life and the next.
I do wish I had more time with my dad. I wish it every fucking day! Im grateful for all hid did for us and for happy I will always have the memories.
Amor Fati. I’ve accepted reality. This happen the way it happen. So I learn from it, grow from it and keep his memory alive by becoming the best version of myself! This is my fate and I love it.
“The day you bury your father is the day you realize that you’ve lost the only man who wanted to see you become better than him”
Eulogy
For our Dad:
Moments. We are shaped by all the moments we experience in life. Never knowing which ones will be big, small, happy, sad or life changing. These moments define who we are and mold us into the person we will become. So when you see an opportunity to create a moment you must act on it. It may take years to experience some moments. Graduating high school or college, catching your first fish, getting your driver license, the birth of child or finishing an ironman…but know this. Most moments only last a few seconds or if your lucky a minute. But if you miss it, you can never experience it again, it’s gone forever. So please think about all the moments you may have missed out on, just for a few seconds…now commit to yourself to never miss another moment of someone you love. Today is one of the moments. Our dad will not have another funeral. So for those of you here today, thank you.
“Where there’s a will there’s a way”
Paul David Pawlisa, or more simply “Dave”. Born in Centralia, IL, July 3, 1952. A son, friend, brother, husband, father, grandfather and great grandfather, my best Man…and A Marine!
Our dad was a doer! He got shit done! He sacrificed his body and ultimately his life for his family. Our dad routinely worked 60 plus hr weeks most of his career. Always taking side jobs on weekends to make sure his family had everything we wanted…not needed but wanted! He and mom met all of our needs. But our dad worked harder to give us the things we wanted. The things that made us happier. He sustained this pace until his final breath. This pace and lifestyle is ultimately what broke down his body. I can truly say that our Dad gave his life for his family, so that we can have it better than he did.
During the Vietnam War, Instead of waiting for his draft papers he decided to volunteer! He served in the Marine Corp. This forever changed his life. He was very proud to serve his country and lived the Marine Corp motto of Semper Fidelis the rest of his life…always loyal, always faithful! You can always count on our Dad!
Dave was always willing to help people. In fact, he really enjoyed it and would make everything a lesson, albeit in his own unique way (a few f-bombs, some head thumps and a broken pencil), you’d walked away learning something new, that also added value to your life. Not to mention a completed task and a job well done! Our dad always finished the job. If we ever got stuck and couldn’t figure out how to fix it, he would often say, “Where there’s a will there’s a way…” and sure enough there always was. I think about that phrase anytime I want to give up, “Where there is a will, there is a way”
Most recently, my parents visited us in Texas for Christmas. Our dad fell I’ll and spent 5 days in the ICU. He finally came home on Christmas Day to watch the LA Rams blow out the Broncos! That was a good day!
Less than 24hrs removed from the hospital he insisted on helping and Teaching me how to use a circular saw. How to cut, measure and hang shiplap for my new home gym. He had to finish the job we started 6 days earlier. A few days later after returning home to AZ he did more work at his church. Selfishly going above and beyond for the people he cared about in his life. His kindness extended to strangers as well…all without asking for anything in return other than a cold beer, good meal or just a good conversation…
Raise your hand if Dave did something for you? Worked on your home, car, boat, fishing pole or guns? If not, I’m sure he offered and said, “…We can do that ourselves.”
Our dad was an avid outdoorsman. He loved the river! It was his and our Mom’s Happy Place. He really loved fishing, hunting and just hanging out on the water. He also enjoyed teaching those outdoor skills to anyone willing to learn. He taught my brothers and I, his grandchildren and a lot of our friends. We all learned lesson that extended beyond just recreational activities, these were life lessons we didn’t even know we were learning. We honor Dave by continuing those traditions and passing them down to our own friends and own children.
Raise your hand again if Dave taught you something about hunting or fishing? That’s why I’ll you hear me refer to him as “our dad” because he was a dad to many of our friends as well!
He and our mom have been married 48 years and together over 50years! Together they had 3 sons, 4 grandsons and 1 great grandson. Yes, we only produce boys! In fact, our Grandfather was 1 of 2 sons, our Dad was 1 of 3 sons…and the only girl being his youngest sister, Lisa…that must have been fun growing up for you Lisa…oh and Lisa has 2 sons as well. BTW, my brothers, Jeff has 3 sons, Brandon has a son and Jeff’s son, Blake also has a son. You know what you’re going to get with a Pawlisa!
Dave loved watching westerns. He often wished he were born a cowboy, living in the Wild West. However today, he was a real modern day cowboy, living the cowboy ethos! He has a great mustache! He fought for what he believed in, had an incredible work ethic, a true gentleman, loved by the girls, charismatic, likable, a protector, mean when he needed to be, always apologetic when he hurt someone feelings, and an incredible shot! He was definitely cut from a different cloth. I’ll continue to aspire to be a fraction of the man he was, as should we all.
In true cowboy fashion our dad asked me to do something for him before he passed. It was very late one night and he called me from his hospital bed. (Our dad spent a lot of time in the hospital the past 3 months.) He asked me to make him a final promise after he dies, almost sensing his time was near. First he said this to me, “Greg, if something happens to me. Don’t leave me in Las Vegas! I replied, “Ok Dad, I wont”…Then he said, “I need you to take care of your mother, promise me you’ll take care of her…” I replied, of course dad, you don’t have to worry, I’ll take care of her. This made him happy and gave him peace of mind. He passed a few weeks later…
To my Mom. I know a big piece of your soul left you when dad passed on. I’ll honor that promise until the day I die. You don’t have to worry anymore.
In another cowboy move, his other wish was to be buried in a pine box with his cowboy hat. This we honored for him as well.
And so back to those Moments in life. I will never forget that Moment with our dad when he asked me for his final wishes… It forever changed me as a person, a son and as a MAN!
I’m very fortunate that many of the moments that shaped me into the person I am today, were because of my dad. Buying my first shotgun, catching my first fish, being there for me when I lost my best friend and being the best man at our Mary and I’s wedding. Other great moments such as watching my dad and mom treat Mary like a daughter and seeing the love between them. These are great moments for me. I know all of you here today have your own moments with Dave and I hope to hear about all of them.
But not all moments will be great but they are necessary. Seeing him in pain while being hospitalized and watching a tear slowly role down his cheek…my family all being in the room the day he passed and later sharing one hotel room together that night, mourning together in solidarity. Tho’ these were very sad moments I am still grateful for them because it will make us all stronger, better people.
I’ll leave you with this. Honor Dave’s life and memory by living your life to its fullest. Seek out those moments and build a life full of them. Be kind, honest, loving and fair. Where there is a will, there’s a way…Never give up, Help those in need, protect the ones you love, go hunting, fishing and if possible grow a mustache…be like Dave, be a cowboy!
