The Hero's Journey: FAILURE Part III
I’ve had a strange week…now I know why.
It’s the 7 year anniversary of my best friend's death today. The whole week I’ve been feeling this very strange energy as if something or someone is poking at my brain, trying to tell me to pay attention. I’ve been having a lot of old memories of Mike burst into my thoughts all week. I find myself looking at old pics and emails. With all that is currently going on in the world it’s easy to get distracted and unfocused. Then it hit me, Mike died 7 years ago this Friday! Call it a deep wound that flares up in times or stress, call it an unexplained emotional connection to the divine, or a spirit guide reminded you of what you’ve been through and to keep moving forward. I think it’s our souls communicating in a different realm reminiscing and getting me to remember, but why?
Memento Mori
One reason can be the latin phrase Memento Mori, which translates as “remember that you will die”. Don’t take this as a threat or a negative phrase. It’s the contrary in fact. This is to remind you that life is short and that it can end in a second. Therefore you should be living it to its fullest. Finding your purpose and truly living a happy and fulfilling life. Not full of material items but full of experiences, relationships and Love. I got this tattoo on my forearm not too long after Mike’s passing.
I’ve never celebrated his Memory
That changes today! I’ve never been one of those people who honored traditions, celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, etc…I’ve often accepted the day as just another day. I think in some cases this can be a powerful trait. Maybe in another case I am afraid to hold myself to that level of commitment. If I don’t remember one year am I a bad person? No, it means you have processed that feeling or emotion and continued on with life. That’s not to say it’s bad to honor these milestones. My wife and I celebrate our anniversary but one year we were apart for work reasons. It didn’t make it less special. We simply celebrated it as soon as we were both together again.
But today I am going to remember Mike because I want to. I’m going to share my story in hopes that It helps one other person. I’m going to share a little more details about the days following his death and how I dealt with it and how it has shaped me today.
A stoic response to a tragedy.
There is a song called “Lonely Day” by a great band called System Of A Down. After I heard of Mikes passing I was all alone in the UK. No family or friends around, just strangers. It was probably the best thing for me at the time. I played that song over and over because I truly felt it was the loneliest day of my life, It was also the hardest and saddest day for me ever! I worked out right afterwards, went to a local mall and got some dinner. I wandered around for hours, hoping I was going to wake up from a bad dream. Afterwards I was trying to convince myself that he faked his death and one day down the road he would contact me. Still has yet to happen…
I went back to my hotel room and got prepared to travel to Scotland for a meeting. I was with a business partner/friend Nik for the next 2-3 days. Work still needed to get done so I had to pull myself together and keep moving as if life was all right! I didn’t say anything to him and he had no idea that I was in so much pain inside. This was for me to bear and not to put on others. As a leader you must always be in control of your emotions. You can not let others who look to you for guidance down. You are to inspire and lead, always. To be Stoic means a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining. Sometimes you have to do this…this is powerful!
Then there was a sign…
Upon arriving in Scotland, my buddy Nik and I had an event to attend at an old Scottish Castle. I’ve never seen one in person and was excited to explore this ancient place. We toured the castle and I was fascinated by the history and thought of all the people who lived and fought to keep this structure standing all these years. Nik, who’s born and raised in London, was not impressed, he’s grown up around this stuff but for me I was thinking about movies like Braveheart where people fought and died for freedom! I was in awe of history within these stone walls.
We walk into the courtyard and suddenly a large group of Scottish Bagpipers come out playing music. The drums and bagpipes are roaring, then suddenly they break into a song I know, its Amazing Grace! I was able to capture the moment on film. It was like a sign from Mike himself, that he was ok and I will be too. It was truly a transcending experience that I will never forget. (https://www.facebook.com/gpawlisa/videos/vb.1359654811/4948979206507/?type=2&video_source=user_video_tab)
At this moment I moved on. Later I casually mentioned to Nik about what happened and he was shocked. “You’re so calm and normal…”. I said, I have to. We discussed the details a bit and then life went on. I will always remember that day, that time my life got flipped upside down and I was all alone. That is usually the case, you’re alone when shit hits the fan. It’s up to you to deal with it and figure a way out of it. When you do this you will be ready for anything.
*To the left is my tattoo I got after Mike passed, his initials are in the building (MN)
“Such a lonely day
And it’s mine
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It’s day that I can’t stand
The most loneliest day of my life”
I may continue this new tradition, I may not. I go with how I feel on any given day. I will however never forget Mike and the impact he had and continues to have in my life!
Thank you,
Greg Pawlisa
Learn more about Mental Health Awareness:
https://us.movember.com/mens-health/mental-health
https://health.mil/News/In-the-Spotlight/Mental-Health-Awareness-Month
Nov, 2011, My crew, pre-wedding day. Mike 2nd from the right.