The Hero's Journey: Conviction
I’m standing across from a man whose ideas and views on race differ from mine greatly and our conversation is getting heated. We’re debating on the definition of racism and the surrounding people are starting to take an interest. Oh yeah, we’re both holding shotguns, only separated by a deep, empty canal that is about 20ft across. “N-word, F-word, Queer, Beaner, Nip, White Trash”, the bigotry and racism continues from the moment I arrive to the moment I leave and guess what? I’m the different one, the lone soldier in this battle. Boom, Boom, Boom, several shots are fired…it gets quiet again. So I ask him ”What if your daughter marries a black man…? Boom, Boom…Boom! To be continued….
What do you do when the tribe you grew up with no longer fits your beliefs and ethos? Not that I was a racist but I grew up around this type of language and hatred my whole life and rarely did I ever challenge it. To be completely honest with you, I’ve said some of these things at certain times in my life, some times out anger, or fear or to just fit in. The sad reality is, that this was just normal, everyday behavior as a white male, living in a small town. I grew up in Riverside, CA, which is about 1 hour east of LA. Trapped between the beautiful beaches of Orange County and the San Bernardino mountains, home to popular towns like Lake Arrowhead and Big Bear.
I was raised in a very diverse neighborhood. My best friends growing up consisted of the following, 3 black kids, 2 mexican kids, 2 white kids and an influx of other kids that moved in and out of our neighborhood. So race was never really a concern of any of ours. We played together, had sleepovers, took trips to Disneyland and shared birthdays party’s for years. As kids you just look at people as being cool or nerd, basically, are they fun to hang out with or not. I never saw race. Sure I knew we looked different. We had a different style, we ate different food and everyone's house smelled so different to me. These were all cultural difference and it fascinated me as a child. I enjoyed going into their homes and smelling strange foods and getting to try a sample of something so foreign to me. I was an adventurer and still am to this day. One time, an Asian kid moved onto our block and his mom made us this strange soup that was milky white with little green things floating on it. It tasted sweet and was actually good but it sure looked weird to me but I tried it anyway because his mom was so nice.
I’ve learned at an early age that it’s good to first not judge and second to try new things. Later as an adult, I spent a lot of my career traveling the world and USA. When you get out of the USA, you see that most people and cultures are exactly the same. They all the same issues and the daily stresses that we have here. We are all not that different at all. We just look different. Traveling across the United States revealed a lot more to me. As a white male, I’ve been privy to a lot of racism from other white males. You see, guys will just see me as a “cool white guy” and think that I’m just like them. I do have the ability to blend in anywhere I go and to make people feel really comfortable around me. As a result, I’ve been witness to some really negative things.
When Donald Trump was campaigning and later won the presidency it appeared that a lot of angry racist people started coming out of the woodwork. There was the Make America Great Again hats v. Black Lives matter, the border wall, the “Muslim ban”, the KKK rally’s, the increasingly violent attacks on people of color at Trump’s speeches and on and on. It was the beginnings of a true racial division within our country and still to this day. The truth is, it’s always been there and in my opinion, Trump running just gave these people a new leader that gave them the courage to come out. I say this because I witnessed all of this behavior for years prior to Trump and was not surprised at all at the increase in hate crimes and racist attacks. A recent article from the Washington Post reported hate crimes in America rose 17 percent last year, the third consecutive year that such crimes increased, according to newly released FBI data that showed an even larger increase in anti-Semitic attacks. Many men would say things to me like “that stupid N-word”, that “dirty Mexican” “don’t be a Fucking Jew”, “That fucking Fag”. I can go on and on. I didn’t always challenge them. Sometimes I would just ignore it, other times I would just chuckle it off so as not to create controversy. They felt comfortable around me so they expressed their true feelings which is good but also sad to hear. Sad because they felt this way about other people just because they had different colored skin or loved someone of the same gender or followed a different religion. Little did they know that I was not like them. I knew it was my responsibility to educate them, help them understand and maybe be a little more tolerant, more importantly, I just needed to say something!
My wife is Mexican. My best friends are Vietnamese and Costa Rican. My other friends and co-workers are Black, Persian, Jewish, Asian and White. I’m sure the work place is similar for most Americans. So it became important to me to not allow people to speak poorly of anyone in front of me because I take it personally, these people are my friends. To limit your options in life because people are different from you is just plain dumb!, sorry but it is. If you ate oatmeal for breakfast as a child are you never going to try the unlimited amount of foods in this world because you’re afraid of something different or new? For some, this is kind of true but again, to me, it’s sad.
…and now back to the shootings: We’re all on our annual dove hunting trip which opens every year on September 1st. We hunt in the Southern California deserts, just off the Colorado River near the border of Californian and Arizona. We have been doing this ever since we were children.
It gets quiet again, the birds have stopped flying and the shooting stops. He responds to my question. “Never gonna happen!”
So I reply “Ok, let me rephrase the question…your daughter has fallen in love with the kindest, loving and caring person. He has a great job, is successful and treats her great. Everything you could ever want for your child…long pause…His skin is black.”
“Nope, sorry, never gonna happen!” he replies.
“You know it’s not your choice and by acting this way she may do this just to piss you off…” I say.
This goes on for a while. I say, “then your racist”. “I'm not fucking RACIST, I just believe in races sticking to their own. Blacks with Blacks, Whites with Whites,” he yells. (I know…, he actually said that and many have before him…trust me. The strange thing is, calling him a racist made him angry, he didn’t like being judged).
I respond with “Well, my wife is Mexican, so by your logic I shouldn’t be with her.” The fact is, at one point in our history (not very long ago) it was illegal to be in an interracial relationship. It wasn’t until 1967 that interracial marriage became legal nationwide in our country! My wife’s parents could not have gotten married. Can you fucking believe that? Here is my moment to stand by my beliefs and convictions. I sum it like this to him and everyone listening. “Guy’s there is no reason to judge or to hate. You need to stop staying the N-word and other racist things just because we are out in the desert, hunting and surrounded by your tribe. Would you say these things at work, the grocery store or Disneyland? Then don’t say it around me anymore, if you do, I’m going to keep challenging and educating you and calling you out.” I think to myself, I’ve outgrown my Tribe.
I understand now that most people are racist because it was taught to them. As you become an adult you need to work hard to unlearn this behavior. Others are just angry at life and their place in it and like to blame their shitty existence on others, so race becomes the easy targets. “I can’t get a job because the fucking illegals took all the jobs”, No you’re just too lazy to get off your ass and work! “That dirty (fill in the blank) cut me off, drives like shit, moved into my neighborhood, might rob me, looks like a thief, might blow up the plane…” people think this way every day based on the other person's ethnicity or race. We need to stop and just try to see everyone as ourselves. Everyone has a story and journey and if you close your eyes and instead open up your mind, you may end up meeting someone who can change your life. To quote Aubrey Marcus “We need to follow the Platinum Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated because they are you”. It’s that simple.
I can think of two people right off the top of my head who transcend the race barrier. One is Tiger Woods. Older white guys love him! I can’t think of ever hearing anyone say anything racist about him in front of me, even after his crazy sex addiction scandal and after dating a Lindsey Vonn, a beautiful white woman.
The other is Bruce Lee. Every guy wanted to be like “The Dragon”! When we saw him kick ass on screen, we knew he was Chinese but that did not matter, we all still pretended to be him as kids and adults, even to this day! To me, he truly transcended the race barrier. No matter your race or ethnicity, you saw Bruce Lee as a badass dude that you pictured as yourself. Maybe it was his ripped body, good looks or confident demeanor. Whatever it was we never allowed his ethnicity to affect our judgment of him. In real life, Bruce Lee experienced some serious racism. He was an Asian guy trying to make it Hollywood as a leading man(still very hard even today) when some Asian characters were still played by white men. He married a white women during a time that it was extremely frowned upon. Later, had two children of mix race and had to deal with judgment and criticism from his own culture for his choices in wanted to teach his art to non-Chinese. But Bruce did what he wanted and ignored all the haters, and he thrived! Despite all that he endured, he stayed true to himself and ignored what everyone thought or said about him. A famous quote from him is perfect to end this. Bruce Lee said in an interview. “Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
This has an obvious martial arts reference in term of fighting style but look a little deeper. We’re all just water in different forms.
Bruce Lee with his Wife Linda and their two children, Brandon Lee and Shannon Lee.
Me along side my best friend Thanh aka “China”, Quail Hunting, 2017